GET UP

Fall down. Get back up. Fall down. Get back up. Fall down. Get back up. The cycle. I know very few people in life who are on a constant high. Who ride the waves of life where everything is grand all the time. Well. Sometimes it seems like there are people all around who have it smooth sailing.

Life is beyond challenging. Life is hard.  That is life.  No one said life was going to be easy. And one must ride the waves. Up and down. Up and down. Really, what choice do you have? There are days. Everything is spinning out of control. Everything. Anything and everything not nailed down. And, sometimes, those days turn into months. Months turn into years. And life seems to settle into this uncomfortable muck that you're stuck in...that you can't get out of...that you find yourself trapped in...and all too often, we don't...or can't, find a way to fight our way out...or back to the simple joys that once were our normal...or what we once thought was our normal.

 But, there are some things that are constant in life. There are so many things in life worth fighting for...be a fighter...be a warrior. I don't mean that in the bad sense. It's hard because there's so much stress and tension and frustration and anger in the world and in people's lives these days. So much anger comes from frustration and a feeling of hopelessness. People put up walls and masks and go about their days because they are tired and weary. And life goes on.

But. Still. 

You. Must. Fight.

Get Up.

Get Up.

Surround yourself with those individuals that lift you up. Surround yourself with those things that bring you purpose and joy. Surround yourself with a Purpose greater than yourself.  

And Get Up.

We all have obstacles. Daily. Hourly. Some days are harder than others. Some days. Just. Don't. Work.

It's Ok.

But. Then.

Get Up.

I have been struggling for well over 8 months with a torn rotator cuff in my right shoulder. I've had my share of challenges over the last several years (more since I've turned 50! WHAT!), however, they really are mild in comparison to others. I am extremely grateful for my health and the ability I have to move my body and to not only exercise, but do something I love, run.

Since my tear is only a partial tear and not a complete tear, surgery was never considered an option. Physical therapy was the way to go, and I fully participated in months of PT, finishing up about 2 months ago. The PT worked well for quite sometime. It was hard work. It was painful. However, I was focused on healing my shoulder. I always had indescribable neck pain along with the shoulder pain...really, more painful than the shoulder. On a pain scale of 1-10 with 10 being the most painful, I was at an 8 most days. Chronic pain.

The shoulder started to get better...the neck...not so much. I persisted in my exercises and physical therapy. I knew the rehabilitation would be long and painful. I was up for the task. About a month before my PT ended, for some reason, things started going the opposite direction and my pain began worsening again. I was in great distress. 

All along I was still running. Mainly on the weekends. Not much, but enough to maintain my fitness during the school year. However, about a month ago the pain was such that I could not run. Aside from the shoulder/neck pain, I have never been in better shape...except when I trained for the marathon 2 years ago. I have never been healthier. Frustration. 

I was determined to do whatever I needed to do to fully heal my shoulder and get back on track with my fitness and running schedule. I just feel better when I take care of myself. Every spring, for the past 4 years, I have run Pittsburgh's Half Marathon, for my favorite charity, Genre's Kids. I decided sometime ago, since I was healthy and strong, that this next spring I would run the full marathon. But, I needed to heal my shoulder first. I had plenty of time. My physical therapist believed my shoulder was just inflamed and suggested I take some time off.  No exercises, no running. Ugh. Ok. 

It killed me to do it, but I had a long term goal. So, I rested the shoulder for 3 weeks. No exercises. No running. I walked. And I walked. I tried to walk 3 miles in the morning and 3 miles at night. I did eventually add in my strengthening/PT exercises for my shoulder, arms, neck and back along with my regular strength exercises. 

I went out yesterday and ran a little bit. I'm not going to push it. I still have some pain. I don't have to start my formal training for the marathon until December. My goal in the next 4 months is to slowly continue to fully heal my shoulder and to build strength and endurance to prepare my body to start training. I feel healthy. I feel strong. I have a goal and I am grateful.

For the most part, I am a driven, motivated person. Especially the past 5 years. In the same regard, I have faced many challenges. Especially the past 5 years. Good days. Bad days. I still come back to the same two words.

Get Up.

LOVE ME AGAIN

Today I ran a taper run of 6 miles. The miles were solid. Strong. My endurance was steady and my stamina was surprisingly on target considering some health challenges I've been facing. As I ran, I picked up strength. Power. Endurance. Stamina. Motivation. Determination. Honestly, there was a power and grit in those 6 miles that I haven't felt in a long time. I've hit and gone below the goal weight I've wanted to reach a week before game day. Lighter runners are more efficient runners.

Every runner experiences it. A love/hate relationship with running. When you run and things are going well, then all's right with the world. When you are running and you are facing challenges? Well, let's just say that you face many demons along the way. Taunting you. In 5 years of running I have gone toe to toe with more than a few demons. Anyone who knows me knows I'm a fighter and I have fought those demons. All the way.

As I was running today, I was listening to one of the songs on my playlist, "Love Me Again" by John Newman. I was listening to the words of the song and I was thinking of the love/hate relationship runners often have with the run. I relate a lot of things to running. If you have a problem, a challenge, something taunting you to back off of running or a health issue preventing you from running...the run is almost asking, "Can You Love Me Again?" I always tell people I have found with running you either love it or hate it. There's no in between.

I've had a few tough challenges along the way, just like all runners. Every year, I say I'm not going to do another half marathon. But, every year I do. I am drawn to the long distance runs. I have learned so much about myself since becoming a runner. As a runner, I am definitely a lone wolf. I have gone places on the runs...physically...mentally...emotionally that I never thought I could go. You figure out a lot of things when you're running hundreds of miles. You find strength you never knew you had. There are times I swear I'm not going to do a long distance race again...times I think I am such a fool...think I'm crazy...but then, the run. It calls me. It calls me back. "Can you love me again?"

The Run. It gives me something that nothing or noone can match. And it asks for nothing in return.
John Newman - Love Me Again.

FREEDOM

It's been 5 years. I don't remember the exact date, but I started my journey to health sometime in 2009 and it is now 2014. It took me 2 years to slowly drop 105 pounds. I dropped 8 sizes. I've kept the weight off. I went from not exercising at all to running a full marathon. I went from hating...and I do mean hating... exercising to become a woman who adores exercising. Running. Lifting. Cross training. Freedom.

I have become liberated in so many ways in the past 5 years. When I made the choice to become healthy, I dropped the chains that were holding me back for so long. The chains that were holding me back for decades, really. With all the extra restrictions that being unhealthy placed on me, I never knew how great I could really feel. How free I could feel. 

Running. I love the run. I am free when I run. I have overcome many obstacles in the past 5 years as I continue to pursue my love of the run... Epilepsy being one of the main ones. I am in my own world when I run and I clearly am a lone wolf. I own my runs and no one and nothing can take that from me. Since discovering running, I have rediscovered myself. Someone I lost a very long time ago. 

I have not blogged in almost a year. I ran the Marine Corps Marathon in October of 2012. I blogged in April 2013 before last year's half. A lot has happened since then. I have gone back to work, teaching nearly full time. I am helping my mother who was diagnosed with cancer in September. Many weekends, in addition to trying to catch up with things at my own home, I am at her home, helping her. 

This will be my 4th year running in Pittsburgh's Half Marathon. I run for the charity Genre's Kids With Cancer Fund. It is a wonderful organization that helps to raise money for children in the Pittsburgh area who have been diagnosed with pediatric cancer and are being treated at Children's Hospital of Pittsburgh. It is a charity near and dear to my heart. Genre Baker was diagnosed with A.L.L. in 2009 and was one of the main reasons I chose to run. Fortunately, now, he is in remission.

As I train for the half marathon this year, it is tough. Not only am I working and helping mom, I've had some more health issues, just like in years past. Some recent additional seizure medication, along with some BP medication has made me physically exhausted. So, less time for training plus physical challenges equals...some tough days.

And, 5 years has passed. I am 5 years older. I think when you are in your 20's or your 30's or even in your early 40's? It may not make much of a difference. But, let's face it. I am not a young chick. So, with 5 years passing, and going back to work nearly full time, and helping take care of a mother with cancer, and adding 2 medications that add to my exhaustion, and trying to train for a half marathon...well. You get the picture.

But. I am a fighter. Am I tired? Yes. Will I keep going? Yes? Why? Because, I am a fighter. And there are things worth fighting for...and...well, you, know. I love the run.